05 May 2008

The Internet at Delphi

My brother Andrew is one of them millennials, born in 86 and reading physics at college. Last Halloween he went galavanting about town dressed as “The Internet”. We were just talking about Mental Detox Week, and he sent me the below. Thought yall might enjoy it uncut:

I built my Halloween costume with the mountain of obsolete ethernet cords that sat under the television in our house. In costume, I told people that I was mostly porn, and to ask me any question. It took time for people to learn that the almighty internet does not always have the correct answer. One grew irritated and asked me “Why don’t you know?” I turned on my heel and refilled my beer. The internet can be a fickle beast.
you wanted to do the belly rub?

I’m now dating a girl who does not have a cell phone. We manage to meet up for dates and coffee just fine without talking on the telephone. I have a sixth sense (formerly called “common sense”) that lets me think “Where is Lisa right now? Aha! It’s dinner time — she’s undoubtedly at her house eating dinner,” and, usually, I’m right. It’s not an exact science. We’re both habitually late, but instead of peppering each other with phone calls when the other doesn’t show, we simply show up and stay put. It saves energy and money and provides valuable time for reflection, reading, or a Marlboro Medium. Lisa often expounds on the virtues of slow-living. Losing your cell phone is the first step. Then one must wait for some time before taking step two.